Joey Fatone on Raising Confident Girls

Talking parenting with a member of a boy band whose songs we danced to two-and-a-half decades ago has a way of hitting you with how much has changed since we were listening to *NSYNC CDs. Joey Fatone agrees: “A hundred percent,” he says. “I can give [my kids] my experience and say, ‘This is what happened when I did it … As we get to be adults, we give it to them in the best way that they can understand it.”

This week, Fatone and his 14-year-old daughter Kloey partnered with Great Clips on a campaign to help the generations get on the same page just in time for back-to-school season. Great Clips, which is offering the first 24,000 individuals who register a free haircut for their child at any participating Great Clips salon, is also hosting a Slang Dictionary with “translations” from teacher influencers across the country. Get the details on both at GreatClips.com/BacktoSchool.

Still true to his street smart-but-sweet rap, Fatone chatted with The Healthy by Reader’s Digest about keeping kids safe in a digital world…and why staying “relevant” is not his goal. “We sound so old,” he laughed. “But it’s the truth.”

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The Healthy by Reader’s Digest: Joey, we love that you and your younger daughter Kloey have teamed up with Great Clips on this campaign. Would you call yourself a proud girl dad?

Joey Fatone: It’s great. The two ages that I’m in right now, it’s like one’s out the door and adult and I can talk and have adult conversations. And the other one is slowly getting into her late teens and becoming a woman and starting to have questions. Thank goodness I have an older daughter that can help her with some of those awkward moments that I had with my younger daughter sometimes. But I think it is just amazing. I am in a position, and the way I guess maybe that we have raised—my ex-wife and myself—have raised the kids to where try to be open up with us as you can. You’re not going to ever really get in trouble if you tell the truth. They may take it hopefully into consideration and they’re going to make their own assessment and then their own choice.

The Healthy: The world has changed so much since we were young, and a lot of that can be attributed to tech.

Joey Fatone: A hundred percent.

The Healthy: Mental health was sensitive when we were growing up, and now the pressures have gotten even way more intense.

Joey Fatone: It’s a lot different because back in the day it was, I’m going to write a note and make fun of you. OK? Let’s just be real, this was the thing: If whoever was picking on something, you’d write the note. The note would get around just the school. Just the school—

The Healthy: Which was mortifying enough!

Joey Fatone: Mortifying, you’re right. But oh my gosh, everybody would talk. But now you’re thinking about Internet, where there are people that can see it and hear it and it’s everywhere. So it’s magnified even so much more, and it’s so much weight on somebody. I think that’s why people start to either get so obsessed with it, overcompensate, or they get depressed. People think that this is all real. And a lot of times, pardon my French, I tell even my daughter flat out, do you realize a lot of these social media things are flat-out BS? Even the littlest things make you say, Well, am I good enough? How come I feel bad about this?

It’s amazing how you can go through so many emotions on this just on your phone, when back in the day I would read a Hallmark card and that’s how I get choked up. That’s not the case anymore. You see anything and everything on that device. I try to be as honest as I can to my kid. There’s a lot of information that you can definitely use with social media and the internet, but that should not be your life.

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The Healthy: It’s interesting to hear your perspective as someone who was an influencer just before “influencers” became a thing.

Joey Fatone: I think a lot of people don’t understand: These influencers, they try to do it to where they show their life all the way, and then when they become famous, they try to hide their life. But now people want to know more, and then you’re like, Well no, wait a minute, this ain’t fun anymore. It’s like, Yeah, it was fun and funny because you were doing it on your own pace. Now there’s a demand for it, and now you have to deliver content. And what happens if your numbers are not good anymore? Does that mean you’re not good enough? Then that’s a whole other depression and a trickle effect that happens. I think we’re in that age and that generation, we lived through the stuff before that. I know it sounds like we’re dating ourselves. (Laughs.) We sound so old, but it’s the truth.

The Healthy: You know, to that point: There’s a growing conversation, as there should be, about the idea that when we talk in the media, or social media, or anywhere about the personal lives of famous people, we have to remember that they are human and just like us, they’re allowed to make mistakes. But lately, we’ve seen some very well-known figures who came up right alongside you navigating some tough things, maybe even some mistakes, in their personal lives. Is there a part of you that’s just grateful you’ve been able to make a living doing what you’ve loved, but you enjoy not being in the spotlight all the time?

Joey Fatone: Here’s the problem for people: It’s like a drug. So the minute you stop, then you go, What do I do? For instance, when I was in the group and I stopped with the group, there was about two years that I didn’t do anything. My ex-wife was like, “Yo, get off your ass and go do something. You’re bothering me now. Now you’re invading my space where you would come in, we’d do everything and then you’d go to work. This dynamic is not happening anymore.” I was just sitting there doing absolutely nothing—like, you need to go do something. So I kept myself busy and kept it on a fun thing, [getting] back to the certain things that I’ve done. I always made sure it made sense. It always made sense of something. I wasn’t just doing it just to do it. I wasn’t doing it just to make a quick profit.

There were times I’ve done one or two things where I did a commercial on YouTube for a buddy of mine who did fireworks, a company called Phantom Fireworks. People were like, Oh my gosh, look at Joey. He’s hit rock bottom. It’s a real cheesy commercial. I’m like, You realize I did that for the fun of it. I didn’t get paid. And the only reason—the reason I did it, if you really want to laugh, is I wanted a cake that said The Fat One. So I have a fireworks [display] that is called “The Fat One.” That is why I did it. There was not a financial gain to it. I wanted to own a firework that had my name on it. Again, if it works, if it’s fun, that’s what I’m doing.

I understand it: You have to survive. You have to do things that you may not want to do and bite the bullet to make money to obviously pay for your life. But there’s certain people, like you said, where they constantly are going on tour and not quitting because they created a lifestyle for themselves that if they don’t keep that money keep coming in, you’re not going to be able to create or keep that lifestyle.

Stephen J. Cohen/Getty Images

The Healthy: For people you know, is there a fear of not seeming relevant?

Joey Fatone: When people say, “Oh, what you doing? You’re Joey, blah, blah, blah. I haven’t seen you do anything.” I say, “Well, you know what? I did my job: You recognize who I am. That’s my job. My job is for you to know who I am, because if you don’t know who I am, I’m out of a job.” So the irrelevant for me is work-wise, but it’s not the irrelevant for me for what I need from me.

I don’t need the attention, though I do love to perform. I’m not like, Oh, look at me all the time. I love ensemble stuff. That’s why me and AJ [McLean of the Backstreet Boys] are doing this show together right now that’s on tour call Legendary Night. We said, “Let’s do that together.” I love ensemble stuff. You get to feed off of people and do different things and it’s not all about me. I don’t need it all about me. I get that.

The Healthy: We love that. Thanks for catching us up on your life.

Joey Fatone: Appreciate you.

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